So Cry, My Darling, Cry.

As I write this, I am crying… the tears are streaming down my cheeks and I am feeling every bit of sadness, upset, and grief so deeply. The feelings come in waves… sometimes gentle and often times very harsh and brutal… so I am choosing to feel it all because I know that holding on to the emotion (energy-in-motion) is not useful… letting it out is.

‘What’s wrong?’, you may ask, but the truth is, there is absolutely nothing wrong - well, there is, but what I’m trying to say is that it is completely okay for me to be feeling my current feelings.

I wonder if telling you the story behind my tears will be useful and assist my healing process, or, if by getting into the story I am simply skimming the surface thereby avoiding the deeper truth of ‘why’ I am feeling so sad.

My automatic response in such situations is to share all the details so you (I) can validate me (myself) for feeling this way. And perhaps to ‘stop people from worrying’.

I am not going to write about why I’m feeling this way because what I know in my whole being… mind, body, heart, and soul is that it’s not really about the story.
It’s about me and the deeper truth that although there was a story that was the catalyst for my tears, the feelings are deeper than just that.

When I decided to own all of who I AM in the world, grounded in the launching of my own business, I also knew that lots of memories and feelings were going to rise to the surface so I could feel and heal and let go. Re-running many old painful movies is exhausting and I have been down that rabbit hole far too many times to still believe it’s a path to peace.

So, this time I choose to allow myself to feel it all, when it arises, without avoiding, resisting it, or ‘trying’ to make myself feel better by keeping busy.

What I have been experiencing since I returned from Costa Rica is that the more I accept, allow and appreciate that feelings are there to be felt – not agreed with and turned into another thing to bury deep – the easier it is to simply feel, understand, process and let them go.

So if you are crying, or if you feel the need to release your emotions in the form of water droplets, I want you to know that that’s okay.

There is something I want you to know:

You can cry if you need to cry. They say tears heal the soul.

You don’t have to hold it back. You don’t have to numb yourself to the emotions that are building up like skyscrapers that will never touch the sky. Numbing yourself isn’t protecting yourself. Protecting yourself is giving your heart permission to break so that your soul can touch heaven.

You don’t have to know why you need to cry. You don’t have to know why your breathing is getting heavy and your body is getting tingly. If you can’t cry, you don’t need to know why. Just be, sweet one, just be. Squeeze your hands in each other to comfort yourself a little. Hold your chest for a little to comfort yourself.

Your mind is a full moon and your emotions are Hawaiian waves. You are an ocean that feels in shallows and depths and that is okay. You hold life itself inside of you. You hold the weight of the world not only on your shoulders but within every cell of your body. Let go of the unnecessary responsibility to save yourself or anyone else.

It is okay to feel changes the way you do. It is okay to feel loneliness like empty space within space. Cool down the wildfire inside of you with a good cry. Do not worry, the ocean that is within you will hold your tears safe and carry you to your peaceful place. Whether it’s a few drops down your face or an entire ocean down your body – you will find peace in the shoreline of your precious beating heart.

Humans are the only animals that are able to cry tears. What a gift.

So cry, my darling, cry.